Hey man sorry I got all grabby
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
