Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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