I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
