Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
