its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
