I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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