I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
