is your mom at the bar?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
