he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
