my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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