Im at strip club and am horny
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
