I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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