Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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