So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The uberlube is also flammable
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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