I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
