I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
