Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just gargled with NyQuil
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
