Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
