What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
