the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
