I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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