some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
