I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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