you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
being pregnant is like rehab
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
