I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
