I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
