I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
