i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
