peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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