I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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