your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
