I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
