She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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