Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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