im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's like God shit irony all over that family
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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