We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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