so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The best revenge is premature balding
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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