so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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