I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
