I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
