her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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