We won't sleep together?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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