We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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