Betty ford says i'm here all night
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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