It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
