Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
