So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
