Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
