Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
