That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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