pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
