We named our party play list daddy issues
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
