Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
