we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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