I never want to see another naked old woman again.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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