hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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