White coat. Heels.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
