Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
