dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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