look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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