So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
