i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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