I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
