i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
