I hate your face
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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