Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
