I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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