Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
