What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
