I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
