More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
