He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
this beer tastes like vomit already
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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