i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
